Day 32: Pushing into resistance

"So make up your minds not to prepare beforehand to defend yourselves; for I will give you utterance and wisdom which none of your opponents will be able to resist or refute." Luke 21:14-15
I never know quite where God is going to lead me when I write my blog.  I wake up each morning, sometimes excited and ready to read and write, and other times tired and clueless.  Sometimes I have little desire to write.  I think of that saying, "when we say "yes" to one thing, we are saying "no" to something else."  This morning, my mind and body are resistant to writing.  I'm tired.  My back hurts from running yesterday.  My stomach and fingers are so swollen and throbbing.  They feel like they are going to explode.  My mind is turning over the million of things I could be doing, like the dishes in the sink, the laundry that needs to be folded, and the floor that needs to be swept and mopped.  The last thing I feel like doing right now is writing this blog.  Yet, I am compelled to finish what I started.  Writing this blog first thing in the morning has become a habit for me.  It has only been 32 days.  Dr. Leaf stated it takes 63 days for a thought to become a habit.  It goes to show that when we do something repeatedly over time it becomes a natural part of life.  Also, it's funny that as I think about this, and the feeling of resistance, I am losing my desire to resist.  I am actually becoming more interested and settling into the moment.  By leaning into the resistance and becoming mindful of my present condition, I am developing a mindset of acceptance an inquiry.  In the process of acknowledging my current thoughts and feelings, I am actually opening my mind to the possibility of positive change.
Okay...now I am ready.  My mind is cleared of negative resistance and open to go where ever the Spirit guides me this morning.  Yesterday, I worked with a client who also attends AA meetings.  He has mentioned the 12 steps on several occasions, especially noting the 4th step.  I told him I blog about food addiction, and he said that one could easily substitute the word "food or sugar" for the word "alcohol" in the 12 step program.  This morning, I would like to spend a few minutes looking up and considering the 12 steps of Alcoholic Anonymous.  As my client suggested, I will replace the word alcohol with the word food and consider how it applies.
Here are the 12 Steps, but I replaced the words related to "higher power" with the word "GOD".  

1. We admitted we were powerless over food - that our lives had become unmanageable.  
2. We came to believe that God could restore us to sanity.
3. We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. We admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. We are entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character
7. We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings
8. We made a list of persons we harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. We made directs amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. 
11. We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.  
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to food addicts and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Wow!  In essence, this IS the process I have been following since 2016 when I submitted my sinful desire of the heart over to God.  I am not in a position, nor do I feel comfortable or compelled to share that sinful desire in a public format, however, it is important for the reader to know (if there is a reader) that it was a stronghold that I was not able to release on my own.  It was only released when I followed Dr. Caroline Leaf's Thanksgiving, Praise and Worship exercise (which I have attached at the end of this blog post).  If there is anyone reading this, and you are a true follower of Jesus Christ, I encourage you to listen to this Youtube video and complete the exercise at the end.  It literally changed my life.  It's important for you to know, however, that when I laid my ALL of my sin at the alter, the devil made a violent attack on my life.  I was assaulted by the spirits of depression, guilt, shame and condemnation.  But God is so much stronger and so much greater than the enemy!  He gave me prophetic dreams and literally expelled a black slug from my soul.  He opened my eyes to the darkness that I was once blinded by.  If you have ever seen the movie, The Matrix, it was kind of like that.  I had lived in a fake world, yet it appeared real.  It wasn't until I submitted my will to God that my eyes were opened to the reality of my circumstance.  I wish I could say that I experienced beauty and color after laying my sin at the cross, but it was not like that.  Once I surrendered, I became an open target for the enemy.  I had never felt so oppressed in my life.  I endured internal guilt and external condemnation for months.  It was so bad that I almost took my life to end the pain.  But God never left my side.  He constantly held me in his arms and rocked me to sleep.  He guided me towards the Bible and taught me to replace my words with His words.  He showed me that I was His Child and heir to His throne.  He encouraged me to put on my armor daily and to learn how to fight the good battle.  He lined everything up for my good.  I learned to trust Him and to rely on Him for all of my needs.  I came to know God intimately, and now I know that He is a real and living God.  His word is as strong today as it was when he created the heavens and the earth.  
Thank you Lord for loving me and saving me from my sin.  Thank you for guiding people to the truth through the 12 step process, and through Dr. Leaf's teachings.  Lord, I lift up anyone who is dealing with sinful desires, a.k.a "addictions", and ask that you help us to live free and fulfilling lives.