I have a lady
that I counsel, her name is Survivor. She finally renounced being a punching bag for her husband to control. She endured living with him for almost 20 years, because when she got married it was for a life term. Her vow was her word not only made to him, but also to Jesus, her one and only Lord. She entered into marriage thinking “He loves me,” therefore, “he will always protect me.” But what she did not see, was how bad his drinking was, and how much he didn’t understand how to love. And then after having children, and gaining some extra weight - his drinking and hitting got even worse. His fists met her face but his words hurt even worse. He stripped her esteem, then he raped her of her worth. He took away her love and turned it into a curse. He laughed in her face, and called her a disgrace, and all of this happened behind the walls of their living space. Her babies would cry, and as they got older they would scream. She would hide away in her room, praying it was all just a dream. She would go to the church and put a smile on her face because his family were the pastors and were the ones who told her to pray. She tried to reach out several times at first, but they told her to pray and God would help her not to hurt. The church was twisting the truth, by putting the blame on her! Instead of holding him accountable, they maneuvered God’s words. 19 years later, it hadn’t got better. Her children said, “Get out now - because we hate our father.” They were afraid he was going to kill her, and with their encouragement she summoned up the courage to file for a restraining order. Then she changed the locks on her doors, and continued to pray to God for his protection. She was done playing the game of taking all the blame. She knew her children were right, she would have to be responsible for saving her own life. That is when he came knocking at the door, “Let me in, you stupid fucking whore!” “I’m going to kill you, so don’t think you can get away! You are mine - and that’s where you will stay!” He threatened to kill her if she did not let him in, and even though she was afraid, she was not going to give in. This time she would make her stand, “I will never again be treated like a punching bag!” and finally he went away. Now it’s been close to five years, and she is finally able to process her feelings. Her first question in session was not “How could God let this happen?” Her first question was "How could my pastors tell me to stay with him when they knew he was drinking and beating me?” “Why would they make it seem like it was all of my fault, when all I needed was their love and their help? Instead of stepping in and demanding him to stop, they encouraged me to be quiet, and to pray to God a lot!” “You married him, and marriage is for life. There will be problems, so just pray and be a good wife.” Thank the Lord, Survivor changed her church, and her new pastors know the most valuable thing - A church is to love, the way that Jesus does. And that is why they are paying for her counseling sessions. Almost 20 years, that is how long she stayed. Almost 20 years, she quietly obeyed. Almost 20 years, she lived as a punching bag. Almost 20 years, her kids watched in dismay. Killing her would have not worked for this abusive man, because how can you control what you do not have. As a Christian counselor my heart cries out to God. Why would the Church not take HIS behavior into account? Where does the Bible say a man can hurt his wife? Show me the scripture that says any kind of abuse is right! Marriage was never about oppression and certainly not about control! In fact, Genesis 3 only speaks to the fall! Dominion over each other was never the plan at all! A man is to love his wife, and treat her like he would Christ. And a woman is to honor her man, by loving him with her life. But what do you do with the husband who continually beats and controls his wife? Do you give him a free pass, and stay out of their lives? Do you say he has control over what happens in his house, or as the church, do you step in and make him accountable? I mean what the hell! What is wrong with the church? What are we teaching about marriage to the lost and the hurt? And what are we teaching our children when we allow abuse to take place? Aren’t we teaching them the opposite of love, by showing the meaning of hate? Now I’m not saying divorce is the way, because God still hasn’t divorced us. But I am saying accountability matters, right from the very start! The church has to stop twisting the truth, by putting the blame on the victim - decorating it with with all kinds of excuse through the form of dominion! Instead, make the abuser accountable for the actions he has done - give him male mentors who can teach him how to love. As her counselor, I validate how she feels. I also build her worth by teaching her who Jesus says that she is. We look at scripture, and we look at skills All of this will help her to make healthy decisions. The hardest thing she will learn, will not come from me. It will be Holy Spirit that will enable her to forgive. And when that happens, she will be set free from all the hurt because she will truly know how much God loves her.
1 Comment
danielle
2/8/2022 05:30:46 pm
Aye , can the curse be removed I would like to use this in my project it's great but the curse would prohibit me from using this amazing piece
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