I have been holding off on re-starting my weight loss journey. Lord knows how many times I have tried, and failed. Sometimes I feel that if I don't try, I won't have to worry about being disappointed again. The truth is that I do not like living inside this body. I've gained 40 lbs. over the last five years, and the weight gain does not seem to be stopping. My hips, back and knees hurt. I'm snoring and feel tired 90% of the time. I'm humiliated to even say out loud that I am a Personal Trainer and Fitness Instructor. How can someone who has been trained in exercise and nutrition even be in my position? Oh, and then there's the fact that I am a Life Coach and Counselor who helps people work through goals to create transformational change in their lives. I have studied Dr. Caroline Leaf's research on neuroplasticity and I know that my mind controls my brain. Yet, here I sit, once again contemplating the idea of trying to tackle my addiction to sugar. Contemplating whether I have the will power to follow through, on a daily basis, with saying no to unhealthy food choices. I have also been wondering whether or not I want to make this journey a public one, through this blog, or a private one, in my journal. I know that I will be relying on the power of the Holy Spirit to guide me. I will be spending a lot of time in prayer and listening to God. I know this about myself because the only way I have ever experienced permanent healthy change in my life is when I put God first. I am nervous about making this public. I wonder if people will accept me as their coach/counselor once they know that I am just as human as they are? The one thing that I appreciate about myself as a coach/counselor is my desire to have an open and authentic relationship with my clients. I like to "keep it real". It was my own experience with depression and suicidal thoughts that has enabled me to really connect with many of my clients suffering from the same issue. I know first-hand what rejection and abandonment feels like. Nonetheless, I overcame depression. I personally used so many positive spirit, soul and body techniques to my own situation that I can now share with my clients to help them overcome. So, as I sit here and re-consider whether or not I want to make my weight loss journey a public format or not, I have obviously decided to proceed with the blog. Perhaps my journey will help someone who is also dealing with an addiction. My addiction is sugar and food. For someone else, it could be alcohol, drugs, sex, unhealthy relationships, gambling, work or money. Anytime that something or someone has control over you, it is not healthy. Six weeks ago, I stood on the scale for the first time in months. While it was an eye opener, it did not change my eating habits. Instead, I avoid mirrors. Instead, I buy larger clothes so they are baggy. Instead, I make excuses and say "Oh, I'm getting old" as a way to blow off personal accountability. The more I do this, the deeper I dig my hole, and the larger I get!
This journey is going to be a difficult one. Going public is going to put some pressure on me to live up to my goals. Current and future clients will read this and hold me accountable to follow through with the same type of advice that I give them. Nothing takes root without a good plan. Tomorrow, I will create a GROW PLAN for myself. Yes, that is what I will do! Tomorrow's blog will be my GROW PLAN.