I have been holding off on re-starting my weight loss journey. Lord knows how many times I have tried, and failed. Sometimes I feel that if I don't try, I won't have to worry about being disappointed again. The truth is that I do not like living inside this body. I've gained 40 lbs. over the last five years, and the weight gain does not seem to be stopping. My hips, back and knees hurt. I'm snoring and feel tired 90% of the time. I'm humiliated to even say out loud that I am a Personal Trainer and Fitness Instructor. How can someone who has been trained in exercise and nutrition even be in my position? Oh, and then there's the fact that I am a Life Coach and Counselor who helps people work through goals to create transformational change in their lives. I have studied Dr. Caroline Leaf's research on neuroplasticity and I know that my mind controls my brain. Yet, here I sit, once again contemplating the idea of trying to tackle my addiction to sugar. Contemplating whether I have the will power to follow through, on a daily basis, with saying no to unhealthy food choices. I have also been wondering whether or not I want to make this journey a public one, through this blog, or a private one, in my journal. I know that I will be relying on the power of the Holy Spirit to guide me. I will be spending a lot of time in prayer and listening to God. I know this about myself because the only way I have ever experienced permanent healthy change in my life is when I put God first. I am nervous about making this public. I wonder if people will accept me as their coach/counselor once they know that I am just as human as they are? The one thing that I appreciate about myself as a coach/counselor is my desire to have an open and authentic relationship with my clients. I like to "keep it real". It was my own experience with depression and suicidal thoughts that has enabled me to really connect with many of my clients suffering from the same issue. I know first-hand what rejection and abandonment feels like. Nonetheless, I overcame depression. I personally used so many positive spirit, soul and body techniques to my own situation that I can now share with my clients to help them overcome. So, as I sit here and re-consider whether or not I want to make my weight loss journey a public format or not, I have obviously decided to proceed with the blog. Perhaps my journey will help someone who is also dealing with an addiction. My addiction is sugar and food. For someone else, it could be alcohol, drugs, sex, unhealthy relationships, gambling, work or money. Anytime that something or someone has control over you, it is not healthy. Six weeks ago, I stood on the scale for the first time in months. While it was an eye opener, it did not change my eating habits. Instead, I avoid mirrors. Instead, I buy larger clothes so they are baggy. Instead, I make excuses and say "Oh, I'm getting old" as a way to blow off personal accountability. The more I do this, the deeper I dig my hole, and the larger I get!
This journey is going to be a difficult one. Going public is going to put some pressure on me to live up to my goals. Current and future clients will read this and hold me accountable to follow through with the same type of advice that I give them. Nothing takes root without a good plan. Tomorrow, I will create a GROW PLAN for myself. Yes, that is what I will do! Tomorrow's blog will be my GROW PLAN.
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Love and Logic Parenting
L&L is not a punitive approach, nor permissive. L&L is an approach where children experience firm limits and accountability within the context of incredibly loving and encouraging relationships. When relationships are damaged, even the best techniques fail. Maintaining or rebuilding relationship can be very difficult when trying to parent a rebellious and oppositional child. Here are a few tips: (1) make every “hello” and “good bye” a special event by fully acknowledging them with eye contact, kind words and joy; (2) at least once per day notice something special about them…”I noticed that you ___”; (3) remove sarcasm – sarcasm is fun…only for the person who is delivering it – it erodes relationships; (4) love them even when they are behaving not so lovable; (5) neutralize arguing – having endless arguments takes time and energy away from relationships – so does yelling, screaming, and resorting to punitive techniques. The five Love & Logic principles are (1) Empathy Before Consequences, (2) Shared Thinking, (3) Shared Control within Limits, (4) Shared Dignity, and (5) Maintaining the Relationship. Technique #1: Putting an End to Arguing, Back Talk and Begging Step One – Go Brain Dead. The less our lips move, the more effective we become. Don’t lecture! Step Two – Calmly Repeat a Love and Logic One-Liner each and every time your kids try to argue or beg. Say it with empathy, not anger or sarcasm. Examples: “I love you too much to argue.” “I know.” “What did I say?” “Thanks for sharing.” “I’ll love you wherever you live.” “I argue at 6 am on Saturdays.” Why do they argue? Arguing is a good way to get attention. Arguing prevents boredom. Arguing enough will get my parents to eventually give in. There’s nothing more exciting than seeing my mom’s face turn red when she’s angry. This is how I can get power over the person that has power over me. Technique #2: Teaching Responsibility without losing their love Empathy allows us to remain the “good guy” while allowing our child’s poor choices to be the “bad guy.” Provide a sincere dose of empathy BEFORE delivering the consequence. The goal is to get your child firmly into “thinking mode” before doing anything else. Examples: “It’s so sad…”, “What a bummer…”, “I’m so sorry…”, “That stinks…” such as…”Oh man, I’m so sad. I talked to your teacher today and she told me about your behavior. I’m so sad that you now have to miss your field trip because of the poor choice you made.” Technique #3: Setting Limits Without Waging War Never tell a stubborn child what to do. Our words are meaningless to them. Instead, describe what you are willing to do or allow. Consequences lose their power when…(1) they are delivered with the purpose of getting even with them (2) with anger, frustration or sarcasm (3) repeated warnings or lecture – nagging or reminding, (4) feel sorry for them and we give in. How do we deliver an enforceable statement? Examples: “You can keep the toys you pick up”, “I respect myself too much to do extra things for someone who treats me like a doormat”, “You may have a cell phone as long as you are paying for the phone and the service”, “You may get online as long as I’m around to supervise”, “I call the police when I find drugs in my home”, “I am planning on spending $50 for your sneakers. If you can come up with the other $50, you can have the ones you are asking for.” You may have ________ as long as __________. How would you restate the following unenforceable statements into enforceable ones? Brush your teeth - Go to sleep…I mean it! - Stop taking my phone. - Leave each other alone. Hurry up. We’re going to be late. – Put your clothes away. – Don’t talk back to me. Technique #4: Avoiding Power Struggles by Sharing Control Examples of effective choices: Will you be wearing your coat or carrying it? Are you planning to be home at 10:30 or 11? Do you want to do your chores now or in an hour? Are you going to take a shower or a bath? Are you going to turn off the tv in 15 minutes or now? Do you want to receive your allowance on Friday or Saturday? Do you think it would be best to pay for the broken lamp with your saved money or do you want to complete extra chores to pay for it? Are you going to turn off your phone now, or will you just ignore your friend’s texting until after dinner? Kids need to have freedom to make poor choices so they can learn and make better ones later on Technique #5: Guiding Kids to Own and Solve Their Problems Step 1: Provide empathy – empathy opens the mind to thinking and problem solving. Step 2: Lovingly hand the problem back. “What do you think you are going to do?” Step 3: Get permission before sharing ideas – “Would you like to hear what other kids have tried?” Step 4: Give a brief menu of ideas and help them evaluate each. Ask, “How would that work for you?” Step 5: “I love you. If any kid can solve a problem like this, you can.” Use the 5 steps to explore how you would handle your child saying, “They’re calling me names.” Technique #6: Teaching Kids to Complete Chores…Without Reminders and Without Pay
Here are a few questions for you to consider: What will help your kids to feel better about themselves and your family? What do you want your kids to believe about helping others? What do you want them to believe about relationships? How do you want your kids to be motivated? What attitude do you want your kids to have as they go to school or work each day? |
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