Oh, how I long to linger
In the presence of his grace Oh, how I love to linger Just to see His face When I looked into his eyes I saw a spark so true The homeless man who could not stand, I knew just what to do. Darkness all around us, Humans with no care. My heart screamed out to know him, This man in great despair. I took his hand and held it, I looked straight in his eyes. Let me give you food to eat, And know you by your name. I don’t have much to give you, But my time I can spare. My heart screamed out to know him. This man in great despair. To the child that was beaten, To the ones who feel afraid. To those who feel hopeless, Thinking about the grave. I say to you there is One, Who can mend All your tears, There is a man who loves you, Who can take away your fears. His name is mighty Jesus. He’s the Son of God, it’s true. He came to redeem us So that we live again. He finds us when we’re weary. He holds when we’re blue. He extends a hand to help us. When we’re broken and confused. His Spirit is within us It falls fresh like dew. Gentle rain can contain the life we once knew. Before our hearts were broken Before our flesh did sin Before shame and doubt Ever entered in. There was a God who made us Perfect in our soul; There was a God who loved us More than we could know; There was a God who chose us For communion with Him; There was a God who knew us When we were with no sin. This God I am sharing is Father, Son and Spirit, This God I am sharing Is holier than thou, This God I am sharing Is triangular and true, This God I am sharing Gave creation to you. He’s always waiting For you to call His name He’s gently showing The rights you can claim. He patiently endures The rebellion in your soul He longs to tell you Just what to do But like infant to man Maturity is due. When you’ve reached your max And done all that you can When your knees are weak And can no longer stand When your sight goes blind To the facts of this world When your ears can’t hear The lies the enemy has hurled When you stop believing in your own righteousness That’s when God will show up In your midst. Gentle rain will fall And His Kingdom will come When your faith has grown And believe that He has won. When your trust becomes a tree with deep roots Your branches will grow And there will be off shoots So When you feel alone Just call out to Him; Pray for healing And repentance of your sin. Ask for forgiveness For your very soul; Love one another And Remember your goal, Seek fruit of His Spirit It’s all you’ll ever need Peace and deliverance It’s how you will succeed. Know your position, Heart on the ground. Seek His glory And you will be found. Oh how I long to linger, In the presence of his grace. Oh how I long to linger, Just to see His face.
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My mother would often say, "You would lose your head if it wasn't attached." My friends would say, "I just told you. Did you already forget?" My husband often says, "Where are the keys? Why don't you put in the same place so you can find them?" Over the years, my bosses have told me that I am an excellent counselor, however, I need to work on being on time. My husband and friends tell me that I will be late for my own funeral! I often find myself trying to do a million things before leaving the house, or I get so engrossed in an activity, that I lose track of time! Apparently, working memory and time management are not my strengths.
As a mother, I would spend hours trying to help my oldest son stay focused on his homework. It would take hours to do what the teacher said would take 20 minutes to do. His room, book bag and desk at school were a disaster! Papers would be wadded up, and stuffed into small openings. I would find small, spitball looking, pieces of paper and rubber from chewed up pencil erasers all over the place. In addition, it would take him time to process a response when asked a question. I would say, "Did you hear me?" and he would get agitated and say, "yes, I'm thinking." His teachers would comment, "Well behaved and quiet, but difficulty paying attention." In addition, to this day, he procrastinates on everything! He will wait until the last possible moment to pay a bill or take care of a deadline. He struggles with task initiation, sustained attention, goal-directed persistence, organization, working memory, and time management. While I had inclinations that he had problems with with attention, it was not until he was 16 years old that we pursued a medical diagnosis. He met criteria for Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Inattention Type. Regardless of these struggles, he graduated from high school and became certified in Welding. He now works for the Steelworkers Union and, at the age of 21, is a Foreman for a small welding company. He has his own apartment, his own vehicle and is saving money to buy a house. He also mentors his youngest brother, who also struggles with executive functioning skills. I am so proud of him! My youngest son had (has) a hard time managing his emotions and keeping friends. When frustrated or excited, he would act impulsively and do things that were not appropriate. We often replied, "What were you thinking?" It was not until later that we realized he was not thinking, that was the problem! He acted as though he was driven by a motor, moving quickly without considering the consequences. Everything was fast and hard with him, which it still is (a bit scary now that he drives). He has a difficult time sitting still, and he is often wiggling, pacing or shaking his leg. I would often have to talk to him about perspective-taking, standing back and looking at a situation from another person's point of view. This son has a difficult time with metacognition, response inhibition, emotional control, flexibility, and goal-directed persistence. In addition, he was the child that struggled with sensory overload. He would not wear jeans for the longest time because he did not like the way they felt. The same occurred with various socks, shoes and shirts. When he was younger, in 2nd grade, he became so overwhelmed by "we don't even know what" that he shut down and became mute on two separate occasions. He literally sat like a rock, without blinking or responding, for a whole hour. I was so afraid for him and didn't know how to intervene. We took him to a Neuropsychologist and they diagnosed him with ADHD, Borderline Aspergers, Mood Disorder, and Auditory Processing Disorder. They recommended medication and psychotherapy, which I did not do. Rather, I used various parenting techniques to address. When he turned 13, after many emotional struggles, we tried three different medications, and none of them worked. Finally, after being suspended week after week for not doing his work and not obeying school rules, we decided to remove him from the public school setting (which is when most of his behaviors were exacerbated). We are now home schooling him by prepping him for the GED. He is smart kid who has a career goal of becoming a welder and fabricator. He is extremely mechanical and hands on, and is infatuated with cars. We are all hopeful that he will pass his GED and enter technical school. When he is engaged in activities that he likes and feels successful in, he thrives. Because of my own personal difficulties with poor executive functioning skills, and because I have over twenty years of experience working with children who also struggle in these areas, I decided that I wanted to learn as much about ADHD that I possibly could. In my experience, ADHD is given a bad rep! If a child is impulsive and struggles with emotional outbursts, many people assume it is because they lack good parenting, or because they ate too much sugar. I remember feeling like a bad parent, and still do sometimes, because my child did not fit the acceptable mold. Teachers would refer to my children as lazy and unmotivated, yet I knew that when they were doing something they were interested in, like working on cars or building something, they were 110% engaged in the activity. I see this in my students at school too. Many children I work with, who do not do well in academics, feel like failures. They walk around with their heads down and often feel like giving up. I can't tell you how many conversations I've had with students about this issue. I focus on their strengths and encourage them to keep moving forward, one step at a time. In 2013, I became a Certified Life Coach and I focused on working with people who had poor executive skills, and/or ADHD diagnoses. While this is no longer my primary focus in counseling/coaching, it is one of the areas I focus on. My goal is to help people identify their strengths and their weaknesses, and learn to use their strengths to manage their weaknesses. We are all different. Rather than focusing on ADHD as a disability, I show people how great ADHD can be. People with ADHD are often out of the box thinkers, and excellent problem-solvers. They can be super engaged in an activity and are sponges when it comes to learning things they are interested in. People with ADHD often have average to above average intelligence and are super creative. They can often manage a variety of tasks at the same time, and become excellent entrepreneurs. It is our job as parents, educators and counselors to help individuals work through poor executive functioning by teaching them how to manage these desperately needed skills. I am currently reading a book by Richard Guare, PhD, Peg Dawson, EdD, and Colin Guare called, "Smart but Scattered Teens." I will be blogging information and thoughts as I read through. I hope the information is helpful to those who read this blog, and I encourage you to provide feedback. Feelings. They can be so fickle and difficult to manage, and they are so subservient to both our outer and inner experiences. They also linger, either adding to or sapping our energy. They are transient, moving from one state to another, sometimes slowly and sometimes faster than we have time to prepare for.
I've been teaching children about the Zones of Regulation, an emotional regulation curriculum that teaches kids how to manage and balance their emotions. The concept behind this framework is that our feelings and states of alertness can be categorized into four main zones, which are depicted by a color. The blue zone represents low energy feelings and states such as boring, tired and depressed. The green zone represents calm states such as peaceful, happy and ready to learn. The yellow zone describes heightened alertness and emotional states such as anxious, frustrated and afraid. The red zone describes extremely heightened states of alertness and very intense emotions like anger, terror and mania. While we all experience and transition through various emotional states, it is paramount to be able to manage those the feelings and bring ourselves back to the green state. Sometimes the tools that help the most are the simple ones. Zones of Regulation provides individuals, young and old, with a practical and simple way to identify, organize and manage their emotions. So many times parents and educators focus on teaching children how to regulate emotions, yet forget that the best way to teach a child is to model the behavior they are looking for. For instance, in a conversation between father and child, the child stated, "Daddy, remember when you got mad. You went right into the red zone and started yelling at me, then you hit the table." The father appeared a bit embarrassed by his son's comment, and replied, "Yeah, I get upset when you don't pay attention." The father then looked at me and said, "I was really tired from work, and I just wanted to him to get his homework done so we could all relax." I empathized with the father and used that opportunity to teach an important parenting skill - acknowledging our own states of alertness and emotions as a way to model desired behavior. We all know the motto, "There are no perfect parents, and there are no perfect children, but there are plenty of perfect moments along the way." This moment was one of them. The father and child agreed that they would help each other identify the yellow/red zone and agreed that they would take a deep breath and ask for five, by holding up their hand. This would be their sign that they need a few minutes to de-escalate and calm down. Here is the link to Zones of Regulation: http://www.zonesofregulation.com/index.html Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life. Proverbs 4:23
Feelings. They can be so fickle and difficult to manage, and they are so subservient to both our outer and inner experiences. They also linger, either adding to or sapping our energy. They are transient, moving from one state to another, sometimes slowly and sometimes faster than we have time to prepare for. I've been teaching children about the Zones of Regulation, an emotional regulation curriculum that teaches kids how to manage and balance their emotions. The concept behind this framework is that our feelings and states of alertness can be categorized into four main zones, which are depicted by a color. The blue zone represents low energy feelings and states such as boring, tired and depressed. The green zone represents calm states such as peaceful, happy and ready to learn. The yellow zone describes heightened alertness and emotional states such as anxious, frustrated and afraid. The red zone describes extremely heightened states of alertness and very intense emotions like anger, terror and mania. While we all experience and transition through various emotional states, it is paramount to be able to manage those the feelings and bring ourselves back to the green state. Believe it or not, these zones are helping me deal with food addiction. For instance, this morning I was in the yellow zone. In fact, I was probably teetering towards gold, meaning that I was a deep shade of gold. I woke up in a grumpy mood and felt like a raw nerve. My husband and I were bickering about stupid stuff, and I was holding an offense in my heart that I needed to let go of. As I stopped to consider my color zone, I reminded myself that I needed to get into the green zone as fast as possible. I started writing this blog, and the act of writing about my feelings actually decreased my anxiety level and I could feel myself moving into a softer shade of yellow. I then considered going to the gym, which I did not feel like doing. As I thought about not going, I felt my anxiety level go up. I thought about how I would feel after going to the gym, and this made my anxiety level go down. I knew I had to go to the gym. So I went. After class, I felt much better, but I was not totally out of the yellow zone. What was wrong? Why was I still feeling anxious? I then thought about the problem I had with a colleague at work yesterday, and I knew I had to ask him for forgiveness of how I handled the situation. I texted him, and he texted back stating that he forgave me and that we were on good terms. I felt lighter and I could feel myself moving into the green zone. I then went to the office, plugged in my essential oil diffuser, got a cup of tea and sat quickly as I waited for my first client. I am proud of myself of taking an active stance to regulate my emotions. I am happy that I am able to offer a safe, peaceful place for my clients to work through their zones. Since I am an emotional eater, it is super important for me to manage my emotions without turning to food. I have been a whole week without baked goods, chocolate or candy. I do not miss it. I've decided to blog weekly instead of daily. Initially, I wanted to maintain a weblog (blog) as a way to (1) create daily goals, (2) develop a daily routine and (3) increase personal accountability. Over the last 43 days I have achieved these goals and have learned to put these practices in place. I am now slightly shifting goals. My new short term goal is to spend the next 21 days REFOCUSING on God's plan for my life through fasting, prayer and reflection. To do this, I am working with Inspirational Coach, Janis Modeste, and her Refocus 21 group of women to gain clarity and wisdom for 2018. I have also joined another Facebook group called Reading the Word: Conquering the Bible in 2018. Over 1000 women have committed to reading the Bible, reflecting on questions and holding each other up in prayer. Both of these groups allow me the opportunity to continue my morning devotional time with the Lord, and set my eyes on things above. Also, since my responsibilities have increased over the past two months, I no longer have time to write a quality piece every day. I just started a new grad class with Nova Southeastern University. My client load has doubled, and I just rented my own office. I lead a biweekly #TEAMLEAF Sisters Circle on Dr. Caroline Leaf's book, Think & Eat Yourself Smart, and last but certainly not least, I am still working full-time as a School Counselor, and, in my spare time, I am a wife and mother. I suppose this blog should have been titled, "SuperWoman Syndrome". The reality, however, is that I know I am not SuperWoman! While I do stretch myself too thin, I do not meet the other criteria for Superwoman Syndrome. I do not always put others first. I do not strive for perfectionism. I do not feel like a failure, or suffer from poor self-worth when unproductive, and I certainly am not perpetually unhappy. No. I'm just like many other working moms. I long to make a difference in this world. I love my family and friends. I care about my career and my clients. I allow myself the freedom to make mistakes. My self-worth is tied to my identity in Christ, and I feel joy far more often than I feel unhappiness. Anyway, here we go...21 days of FASTING, JOURNALING, and PRAYER...I got my EYE ON IT! Refocus 21, a time of fasting to gain God's wisdom for 2018, begins this Sunday January 7th. This is the third year that I've joined my friend and inspirational coach, Janis Modeste, for this event. I'm attaching her information for anyone who is interested: http://www.refocus21.com/fast.html I am choosing to fast from chocolate and baked goods. For 21 days, I will not eat either one. Lord, help me! "And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness." Genesis 1: 3-4 I joined a closed Facebook group today called Reading the Word. It's a group for women who plan to read the entire Bible over the next year. I know this blog is about overcoming food addiction, but my mind, and thus my writing, is like a pinball machine! God is the force behind the pulled lever, and my mind is the ball that bounces from bumper to bumper. Eventually, the ball loses momentum and returns to its original location. Without the force to propel it into the game, the ball is stagnant. So, if you are reading this blog, please bear with me. It's the beginning of a new year, and I need to spend some time plugged into my power source. This morning, I read Genesis 1-3. I was reminded that not only does God work in small steps, but He has a specific process for creating nothing into something. In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. This means God had an idea, a thought. God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. This means that God turned his thought into action by speaking light into existence. Then, God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. This means that God examined his current creation before moving on to the next creation. Traditionally, I have been my own worst enemy in behavior change. I move forward in haste, chasing after quick fixes and immediate rewards. It's been 42 days, and I have not dropped one pound. I started strong, and then lost momentum. I also just realized that today is the last day of second round of 21 days. I am about to enter the third round. Lord, what do I need to do differently this round? "You tried in your own power. You set your goals, created a plan and have been faithful with your blog. However, you grew physically tired and your energy depleted. It was an excellent run, but there were too many bumpers to sustain. You slowed down, and needed your rest. This time, plug into my power. My power is everlasting and unending. My love for you is unfailing." Holy Spirit As I enter into this new year, I submit all of me and all I have to the Lord. I know that all my efforts, apart from Him, are meaningless. God brings light to the darkness, and He restores all that is broken. My New Year's resolution is quite simple this year. I resolve myself into the hands of the Lord, and ask that He helps me break strongholds not only in my life, but in every life that I come into contact with. |
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