My flesh and my heart my fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26 It’s 1:30 am. My fingers are so bloated that each one feels like a throbbing hot dog. I feel so gross and disgusted with myself. Last night, I ate over 1,500 calories of pure fat and sugar. Why??? Why do I sabotage myself like this? I am so swollen, overstuffed, distended, full and puffy that I can’t even sleep. I woke up in a state of panic. I could barely breath. I immediately felt the need for ice water. I could hardly bend over my rotund stomach to lift myself out of bed. As I became aware of how my actions caused this physical condition, I began thinking “You’re such an idiot”, “You have no will power”, and “You failed again.” Tears swelled, almost as venomously as the inflammation inside my body. “I’m a failure. I give up.” STOP YOUR STINKING THINKING! No! I am not a quitter! I’ve had almost 10 days of progress. Yesterday’s failure…is a learning opportunity. I can’t go back and change my action, but I can learn from this experience and not make the same mistake twice. Let me look back and see where my demise started. Did it really start the minute I chose to go to McDonald’s for a kid’s meal, or did it start sooner? On Tuesday, two days ago, I got out of work and, on my way to a client’s house, which was 75 minutes away, around 4 pm, I decided to go to Chick-Fil-A. My thought process was that I was hungry, and I would skip dinner that night and would do yoga instead. Well, that is exactly what happened. I at Chick-Fil-A, and got home at 6:30 pm, and did yoga. I had a cup of tea, watched t.v. and went to bed. Yesterday, the situation was similar. I got out of work at 3:30 pm, and had to drive 75 minutes to see a different client. I had an apple, thinking that would be plenty to carry me over to dinner time at 7 pm. I was a little hungry and I knew there was a McDonald’s on the way. I thought, “I’ll just get a kid’s meal to tide me over.” I manipulated myself into believing that I would do the same thing I did yesterday, and I gave myself the opportunity to eat the fast food. I ordered an adult meal instead. When I got home, the smell of garlic butter and scallops overtook me, and I ended up eating a bowl of seafood and pasta. Then, before bed, I began craving chocolate. I didn’t have any chocolate, so I ate a giant bowl of fruit loops! Just sitting here thinking about all the food I stuffed into my stomach is making me sick! It’s no wonder my body is reacting the way it is. This is gluttony! My body has developed a high tolerance for food. I eat a lot of food, on a regular basis. I am humiliated and ashamed of my actions. I am so humiliated that I almost did not write this post. Everything in me wants to hide my behaviors. Hide and pretend that I don’t have a problem with food. Two days ago, when I pulled into my driveway, I threw away the Chick-Fil-A bag, so my husband would not see it. Yesterday, I did the same thing with my McDonald’s bag. I hid the evidence. As a therapist, I know that hiding behaviors is a form of addiction. Another addictive trait that I have is the concept of triggers and manipulation. For instance, I sometimes plan my driving route around which fast food restaurants I will pass. I will then manipulate my mind and my circumstances to attain the food, as I did yesterday when I told myself that I would only get a kid’s meal. So…there it is! My addictive behavior is now public! I will not hide anymore. Now, the question is, “where do I go from here?”. I can’t change what I did, but I can change my choices today. I can stand back up and say, “I lost the battle, but I will not lose the war.” The truth is that the war has already been won. I just need to choose to believe it, and live it. Where do I go from here? Well, I’ve identified two major triggers: (1) fast food establishments between the hours of 4-7 pm; and (2) sugar craving at night, about an hour before bed. Back in the day, when I was working out 5 days a week, I took a thermogenic supplement in the mid-afternoon that gave me energy and curbed my appetite. That supplement is no longer available. I just ordered a different one that claims to have 100% all-natural ingredients. I will give that a try to see if it helps with mid-afternoon sluggishness and cravings. I will also keep a cooler in my car that has healthy food items. I will start drinking an herbal tea at night to help with sugar cravings. There are so many more things I can do, but these are the main ones I need to implement now.
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As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” Proverbs 27:1 Referencing yesterday’s blog, the second element found in the definition of accountability is “pre-determined expectation.” By being responsible for an action, there’s an assumption that the action is tied to an expectation of what your behavior should be. As a counselor, my behaviors are guided by the professional code of ethics. When someone hires me, the assumption is that I will be an ethical counselor. For instance, I will respect the dignity and welfare of my clients. I will avoid harm and will maintain client confidentiality. As a person with a Christian faith, the expectation is that I will behave like Christ, loving others and not passing judgment (Ephesians 5). Food and sugar addiction seems so tiny compared to other forms of addiction and sin. So what if I’m fat and don’t feel good?!? But the reality is that God created a need in each of us that only HE can fill. Food, wine, sex, money – none of these things, in and of themselves, are bad. It’s when we lose self-control and allow the appetite for more self-indulgence to move us from a state of contentment to a state of gluttony that we fall into sin. The lie is that self-indulged obesity is not a sin! The truth is that self-indulgence, in any form a gluttony and greed, is a sin! I’m not saying that everyone who is overweight is a sinner. What I am saying is that I have to stop making excuses for gluttony (overeating) and toxic choices (high sugar/low nutrition). It’s time to break free from this stronghold! One of the best ways to build support, maintain accountability and defend yourself from falling prey to the enemy (and falling prey to yourself) is to be in fellowship with other believers. God calls us to be the church. We are to love and support one another through accountability and fellowship. This world can be tough. There are many trials and tribulations to endure. Temptations come at us from every direction. In a time when debt and obesity are the norm, society tells us to keep expanding the boundaries to allow for more of what our flesh desires. This is the opposite of what the Bible teaches. When we remain grafted to the vine and have accountability partners that are grounded in the same faith we can overcome the temptations. Writing this section has made me see that I MUST form or join an accountability group that will walk with me through this stronghold. “He will cove you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.” Psalm 91:4 According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, accountability is a willingness to accept responsibility for your actions. I believe there are at least two elements inherent in this definition: (1) trust and vulnerability, and (2) pre-determined expectations. I will be addressing the first element today, and the second element tomorrow. The first part of the definition, “a willingness to”, imparts an element of vulnerability and trust. If I can’t be open, then I won’t be willing. If I am not willing, then I will resist and hold back. If I feel I am being judged or condemned, then I won’t feel safe to expose. I will want to hide. I won’t allow myself to be vulnerable. Unfortunately, without vulnerability, it is impossible to grow in truth. You will always be hiding behind a mask. In the process of protecting yourself, you will be losing yourself. This is what happened to me. On the other hand, if you sense that you are loved unconditionally, then you are free to face truth. You are more open to share and explore the good and bad “hidden” aspects of yourself. You have an opportunity to be genuine and vulnerable. Typically, there are three “people” we have to be accountable to: God, Others and Ourselves. For so long, I had my priorities backwards. I was accountable to others first, myself second, and God last. I figured, “God loves me unconditionally so he will always be there.” While God does love us unconditionally, the truth is that if we choose to walk in intentional sin by behaving in a way that we know we shouldn't, then we grieve the Holy Spirit and we lose the Lord’s protection (Isaiah 63:10, Ephesians 4:30). As a little girl living in poverty with a divorced, addicted mother, I took on the role of HERO and wore the mask well. I was seen by everyone as a resilient achiever who could overcome the odds. As the oldest, I took care of my brothers. I did well in school. I was the first in my family to go to college. I earned scholarships and climbed the social ladder. I got married, bought a house and had kids. I excelled in my profession and earned recognition and awards. In the process of "achieving", I was that I was dying inside. Underneath the layers of success was a scared little girl who just wanted to be held, loved and protected from the arrows of the enemy (divorce, poverty, abandonment, addiction and death). My identity was tied to the views and acceptance of others. If THEY thought I was worthy, then I was worthy. If THEY thought I was not worthy, then I was not worthy. Can you imagine living like this? The emotional ups and downs were unbelievable. Maintaining long-lasting, honest relationships was very difficult. I would hop from one set of friends to another, always searching for genuine acceptance when the reality was that I was not always being 100% genuine. I've had a few relationships that have endured over the years, fortunately because they were grounded in love, with the people who encouraged me to be real. The ones who looked beyond the mask and loved me despite my faults. Over the last two years, I have learned that I need God’s acceptance more than I need man’s acceptance. If it were not for God’s eternal, unconditional love, I don’t think I would have had the courage to let this process happen. It’s not that I’m a horrible person, but I’ve definitely had to endure shameful circumstances and have made choices that I am not proud of. In 2016, after laying ALL of my sins at the cross, God told me to “get the mold out”. After hours of bleaching my house, and praying in the spirit, I fell asleep in a state of sullen anxiety. That night, I had a dream that I was choking and then a black slug slid out of my mouth. The dream was so vivid, that I woke up and frantically looked around me, thinking that I vomited. There was nothing on the sheets. I got a glass of water and then went back to bed. When I closed my eyes, I felt lighter and purified. I wish I could say that was it. That my sins were expelled and that life was good. Unfortunately, that event activated my realization that there is a spiritual war going on right in front me. The eruption of that black slug seemed to crack open the sticky, crusty substance that had sealed my spiritual eyes shut. Prior to that event, I walked with a hard heart in spiritual blindness. I believed in God, but didn't know him. Because I didn't know him, I didn't know myself. As I gained humility through honest introspection, I began to shed the layers of falsehood and self-protection. I stood, naked before the Lord, and became the prime target of a vicious enemy. An opponent so skilled in deception that he almost convinced me to take my life to escape his assault. Over the next few months, I took refuge under wings of my father. I literally dressed myself in the Armor of God every day. I spoke on the armor so much that when I had bad dreams I spoke on my armor in the dream! The Bible was not only my greatest defense, but it became my home. I felt like the prodigal son who finally came home. During those months, under the direction of the Holy Spirit, I learned how to replace my thoughts with His thoughts. Even when I didn’t feel worthy, I spoke out worthiness: “I am worthy because I am a Child of God.” The more I spoke truth into my spirit, the more I began to feel worthy. I’ve recently began to study the Enneagram, a personality theory based in ancient traditional wisdom. After taking the brief test, my results showed that I’m a Type 3: The Achiever. “Threes most basic need is to feel valued and worthy. Threes want success not so much for things that success can buy (like Sevens), or for the power and independence that it will bring (like Eights). Threes want success because they are afraid of disappearing to a chasm of emptiness and worthlessness: without the increased attention and feeling of accomplishment which success usually brings, threes fear they are a nobody and have no value. The problem is that threes can be so alienated from themselves that they no longer know what is they truly want, or what their real feelings or falseness of all kinds.” The Enneagram Institute https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-descriptions/ Today, I know that vulnerability is directly to accountability. I also know that since my priority is, first and foremost, to be accountable to the ONLY being who possesses unconditional love, that I have the freedom to be open, honest and vulnerable with myself. I am free to live without the mask. I no longer have to be everyone’s HERO. I don’t have to worry what everyone thinks of me. I don’t have to worry about disappearing into a chasm of emptiness and worthlessness. I know that, regardless of the way I look or what I get recognized for, I am beautiful because HE is beautiful. I am worthy because HE is worthy. “Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it. For still the vision awaits its appointment time; it hastens to the end – it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.” Habakkuk 2:2-3 Now that I know what motivates me, and that I DO have control over what food I put into my mouth, I need to find a tracking system that works for me! I need an easy to use system that is not paper-based. Whenever I try to keep a paper chart or notebook, I misplace or lose the paper/notebook. Out of sight, out of mind! I’ve also tried electronic tracking programs such as My Fitness Pal to track my food, and it didn’t work. While it is an excellent food-tracking, calorie counting app that many people have found success with, it does not work for me. It takes too much time and is too burdensome for me. I have no desire to count every calorie, and I don’t want to think about every piece of food I put into my mouth. For instance, I don’t want to have to look up and input 2 slices of bread (and what kind), 2 slices of ham (and what kind), 1 slice of cheese (and what kind), and how many ounces of condiment I use when eating a ham and cheese sandwich. I feel so bad for people who must count every calorie! I can’t tell you the number of times I have started this tracking system, and then stopped using it within a few days. I recently came across an app called BeeMinder. Beeminder is a self-tracking goal-setting app that keeps data points on a yellow brick road. When you are meeting your goals, the app is free. When you fall off the road, you have a pre-set amount of money taken out of your account. I am interested in learning more about this app as a potential tracking system. Nonetheless, what I am hoping is that my “Jar System” and accountability through writing my blog will be enough to track my goals. "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:1 If there’s anything that I’ve learned as a parent and a school counselor, it’s how to build positive behavior intervention plans and incentive charts! The most effective behavior intervention plan (BIP) is created from the completion of a quality functional behavior assessment (FBA). The more we know about why a behavior happens and under what circumstances the behavior occurs, the more equipped we are at creating a positive intervention plan. For instance, if a child is using a negative behavior (skipping class) to avoid a task (work is too hard) or an environment (being bullied or feel like they don’t fit in), then we would need to create an intervention that would address the motive behind the behavior (avoidance). An effective strategy would be to offer them tutoring, address the bullying, or provide them with a mentor or friendship group. We would also need to know what incentives serve as motivators so that the positive behavior could be reinforced. For instance, if the child likes computer games, they could be rewarded with extra time on the computer once they completed their tutoring session. We would then set a deadline and track the intervention to see if it’s effective or not. If the negative behavior (skipping class) has decreased, and the positive behavior (attending class) has increased, then we know the intervention and the motivational incentives have worked. Finding the function of the behavior and the right motivators are the keys to behavioral success! I've spent a lot of time over the years considering what drives my behavior, and I've come to the conclusion that I am driven by achievement. This was reconfirmed last night when I took the enneagram personality test and came out as a Type 3 - The Achiever. Achievement motivation is defined as a person’s need to meet realistic goals, receive feedback and experience a sense of accomplishment. I am energized when I am given a specific task and can set goals around that task. I do best when I set performance goals and have opportunities for internal and external feedback. The learning process is my incentive. I absolutely love acquiring new skills and knowledge. Learning is like candy to me. If I could attend school and earn a salary as a full-time student, I would do it! Learning opportunities like social discourse/debate, professional learning communities, college courses and seminars/conferences motivate me more than any other thing, including money. When I have money, I just want to spend it on more learning opportunities. In fact, the money I put into the “I DID IT” jar will probably be used to pay for tuition and/or seminars. Another important aspect of motivational theory is to consider the locus of control (LOC). If you believe that you can control the outcome (internal locus of control), you are more likely to act to change your situation. If on the other hand, you believe that you don’t have control (external locus of control), you may be less likely to work toward change. I know there are many things in my life that I cannot control. I can’t control when or how I die (which could explain why some people take their own life because it puts control back into their own hands). I can’t control how another person treats me. But, I can control how I treat another person despite my feelings. And, truth be known, I can control what foods I put into my mouth despite the cravings I experience. “So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.” Psalm 90:12 Yesterday, I created my first SMART goal: “By Friday, December 1st (time-based and entered into my calendar), I will have written one daily blog per day (measurable, achievable and realistic) about overcoming food addiction (specific) which is grounded in God’s Word (more specific and personally-oriented).” I love that I started my SMART goal with a “near future” deadline! Since December 1st is only six days away, the likelihood that I monitor and meet my deadline is very good. I will continue to set small, manageable deadlines so that I don’t lose sight of them. I plan to set most of my deadlines in one or two-week intervals. I can’t imagine that I will set a deadline that is more than two weeks out because I know that I will forget about and dismiss it. When we set arbitrary deadlines, we minimize the importance of the goal. Other things come up and take momentary precedence over the deadline. After skipping a lot “well-intended deadlines”, we lose sight of the goal and why it was so important in the first place. I have also decided that I will create two money jars & place them in visible place. I will label one jar “I DID IT”, and the other jar “NOT YET”. Each time that I meet the goal by the deadline, I will place $20 in the “I DID IT” jar. Each time I do not meet the deadline, I will place the $20 in the “NOT YET” jar. Once I set & achieve the new deadline, I will move the $20 from the “NOT YET” jar to the “I DID IT” jar. The premise is that I maintain a growth mindset and not give up! The plans of the diligent lead to profit, as surely as haste leads to poverty. Proverbs 21:5 In the field of life coaching, learning how to set goals is the starting point for a purposeful life. I guess that makes sense. Setting goals does give our life direction (purpose) and when achieved, they help us to build confidence and motivation. Unfortunately, not every goal is created equally. For years, my weight loss goal has been precisely that – losing weight. Looking back, I can’t believe I would create such an obscure, undefined goal. No wonder I have been unsuccessful! The second tip that Michael Linenberger offers is the need to create goals that we have direct control over. For instance, instead of saying, “I’m going to lose 20 pounds” say “I’m going to eat two out of three heathy meals per day.” I cannot directly remove body weight, but I can control what food I put into my mouth. Also, it’s important to add smaller goals to the large goal so that I can take specific actions towards the larger goal. If the large goal is to eat two out of three healthy meals per day, the smaller goals could include having pre-planned and ready-made healthy meals easily available each day. This would then breakdown into even smaller action goals like creating a grocery list and setting a time to meal prep. Since I’m a visual person, I prefer to write my goals in outline and/or visual mapping form. It would look something like this: Another important aspect of goal-setting is to make it SMART! If the goal is not SMART, then the chance of achieving it is minimal which would not be a smart thing to do (he he). SMART is a goal-setting acronym that means: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time-Based. SMART goals provide the structure for building the overall end goal. In essence, individual SMART goals are like the bricks that build the house. The more secure the brick is, the less chance the house has of crumbling. It is worth the time and energy to create strong SMART goals. My first SMART goal is to lie the foundation for my descriptive, experiential vision statement: “I once walked in darkness, but now I have light from the Lord. Under a rainbow of color, I run with a spring in my step, free from pain. I have abundant energy and a smile on my face. I am free to live and give and love myself and others. I am a child of God.” Therefore, my first goal is combine God’s Word with my need to live light (free from the weights and burdens of this world), and in the light (under the direction of the Holy Spirit). Here is my SMART goal: “By Friday, December 1st (time-based and entered into my calendar), I will have written one daily blog per day (measurable, achievable and realistic) about overcoming food addiction (specific) which is grounded in God’s Word (more specific and personally-oriented).” On *Sunday, December 3rd (which I have also entered into my calendar), I will read through my blog entries to examine whether or not I have achieved my SMART goal. I know I will meet my SMART goal because it is intrinsically motivating to me, and time-centered. It’s a natural extension of who I am and where I am at in the stages of change (preparation/determination). I have not set the goal too high by actually focusing on my food choices yet, which is what I normally do. I know I am not ready to begin big changes to my diet. I am still gathering information and building routine. This is where I need to be as I ready my heart and mind for the work stage of saying no to sugar. *When deciding time-sensitive deadlines, it’s imperative to look at your calendar ahead of time. I initially set my reflection time for Saturday, December 2nd, and then I remembered that I will be at Dr. Leaf’s Perfect You Conference on that day. It would be too difficult to squeeze in a proper reflection on that day, so I decided to go with Sunday.
Ephesians 5:8, “For you once walked in darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of the light; for the fruit of the light consists of goodness, righteousness and truth.”
Day Four: The Descriptive, Experiential Vision Statement Michael Linenberger, Productivity Expert, offers 4 tips to helping us follow through with our goals. In my opinion, the first and most powerful tip he provides is how to create a powerful vision statement that preps us for our mission. Over the last three years, I chose a bible verse each year to declare my vision for that year. I then created a vision board and hung the vision board in an area where I would see it often. My vision statement for 2017 is Ephesians 5:8, “For you once walked in darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of the light; for the fruit of the light consists of goodness, righteousness and truth.” This verse speaks volumes to my spiritual life. While the year 2016 was the most traumatic year of my life, it was also the year that my spiritual eyes were opened. When I could see, I was able to expose sin and use the sword of the spirit to speak against demonic strongholds. This morning, as I reflect on Michael’s description of a vision statement, and consider that I am a tri-part being (body, soul and spirit), I recognize that I need to add some personal meat to the vision so that I can ground myself in the goal. In essence, I need to align my body and soul (mind, will and emotions) to the Spirit of God. For my subconscious mind to move God’s word (the scripture verse) to the conscious mind and physical actions, I need to experience the vision, personally, descriptively and vividly, repeatedly, in my mind on a regular basis. Let’s take a minute to break down the components of what a solid, experiential and descriptive vision statement looks like. First, the vision has to be personal. I have to be able to relate to the vision, in my own way. Second, the vision has to be descriptive and vivid. By using all five senses (see, smell, taste, touch and hear) I can create color and live to my vision. The vision has to be easily accessible so that my memory can recall it quickly. This is how I learned my multiplication facts. Repetition builds recall. Creating a visual representation of your vision, through a vision board, also helps to process and cement the vision in your mind. Now, I will put that into practice and update my vision verse for the rest of the year (2017). Here goes, “I once walked in darkness, but now I have light from the Lord. Under a rainbow of color, I run with a spring in my step, free from pain. I have abundant energy and a smile on my face. I am free to live and give and love myself and others. I am a child of God.” This is what I did to create this vision. First, I closed my eyes to imagine what it means to be a child. For me, a child is free from burden. They are light on their feet. They have a lot of energy and can play all day long. They are curious and love to explore life. They are adventurous and want others to join them on the adventure. They don’t see differences. They only see hearts. Children are by nature helpful and don’t like to see anyone hurt and upset. Once I had that vision in my head, I was able to write my statement. After writing my statement, I re-read it and saw that instead of writing in present tense, I wrote it in future tense. For instance, I said, “I will run” and “I will have abundant energy.” I realized that if I write it in future tense, then I am missing out on imagining my new life as I have reached it. In my mind, it was for someone else…the me I want to be, rather than the me that I am. So, I changed it to reflect the present. How does this vision statement effect my journey to weight loss? It does so in every way! I am grounding myself in the Word of God. I am aligning my mind to His Spirit. I am seeing myself as God sees me…a child free from the weight and burdens of this world. If you would like more information about Michael Linenberger, you can visit his blog at:
http://www.michaellinenberger.com/blog/giving-up-on-goals-4-tips-for-setting-goals-that-work/
Romans 12:2, "Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.
On Day One of this blog, I wrote, “Here I sit, once again contemplating the idea of trying to tackle my addiction to sugar. Contemplating whether I have the will power to follow through, on a daily basis, with saying no to unhealthy food choices.” As I sit here and reflect on what I wrote, I am reminded of the transtheoretical model (TTM) of behavior change. TTM was taught in all aspects of my formal education…in Psychology, Life Coaching, Wellness Coaching and Personal Training. TTM, also known as the “Stages of Change”, describes how people cease or modify a problem behavior, or acquire a positive behavior. TTM focuses on a person's decision-making process and requires their intentional effort. To change, a person must have a growing awareness that the advantages of changing outweigh the disadvantages of staying the same. People also have believe that they can make and maintain the changes, despite temptations to return to their old, unhealthy behavior. Lastly, individuals need strategies that can help them make and maintain change. Today, I want to take a hard look at where I am at and what my thought processes are related overcoming my addiction to sugar/food. Where am I in the stages of change? What strategies do I need to employ to be able to make effective change? What are my next steps? In essence, I am counseling/coaching myself in the same way I would be working with a client. The stages of change are Precontemplation, Contemplation, Preparation/Determination, Action/Willpower, Maintenance, Relapse and Transcendence. People in the precontemplation stage do not think about changing because they do not feel their bad habit is a problem. People in the contemplation stage tend to teeter-totter, back and forth, between the negative aspects of their bad habit and the positives associated with reducing the bad habit. They are considering the possibility of changing, but are ambivalent to do so. The preparation/determination stage describes individuals who are serious about wanting to change. In this stage, people often do research and begin taking small steps. Perhaps they are gathering information about what they need to do to actually change their behavior. Often times, people skip this stage and move right from contemplation to action which results in their falling flat on their faces and experiencing one failure after another. Unfortunately, this has been my experience on way too many occasions! Stage four involves active will power and follow through. People in this stage use a variety of techniques to help them achieve their desired behavior change. Stage five is the maintenance stage which means people continue to acquire new skills to prevent relapse. Research shows, however, that people often experience relapse. In these cases, it is so important to not get discouraged and feel like a failure. Rather, get up and move back to the preparation/determination stage, and begin again. Some individuals, who “maintain maintenance” for a long time are able to transcend their old bad habits and develop a completely new mindset. I would say that I am in the Preparation/Determination stage. I have made the decision that I want to lose weight so that I can feel better. I know that I have an addiction to food, especially sugar. The fact that I am writing this blog, and created a GROW Plan demonstrates my determination to change. This makes me feel so good because two days ago I wrote “contemplation” twice. I was beginning to wonder whether or not I was really ready to begin. The other thing I learned while exploring the stages is that I used to jump right to the action stage without preparing my heart and mind for the transition. This time, I want to succeed! I am tired of feeling defeated. I want lasting change, therefore, I am willing to spend as long as I need preparing myself. I will be approach this experience with curiosity and excitement. I will do the research. I will develop a routine and build consistency through this blog. I am not searching for a special diet or a magic pill. I want a heart change. I want a mindset change. I want to transformed by the renewing of my mind (Romans 12:2). “Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain.” Ps. 127:1
Each day, I will be selecting a bible verse (or should I say each day a bible verse will be selecting me) to guide my thought process and writing. The reality is that when I am in the Word, I believe that it is the Holy Spirit who guides me into choosing a bible verse that fits my present need. Today, I was led to Psalm 127:1. For me, this verse screams out the dire need to put God first in all circumstances and tasks. I spent many arduous years toiling away to find happiness and fulfillment in my work, marriage and self-concept/esteem. The more I obtained, the more I desired. It was never enough, and I always felt like I was running in circles. In the year 2016, after laying all my burdens at the cross, I experienced a spiritual attack from the enemy that almost took my life. During that year, I was stripped of all pride and ambition. Years of shame, depression and anxiety related to various life events snowballed into an avalanche of depressive, self-inflicting thoughts. But God. Little did I know that God was allowing my heart to be changed. For years, I lived as a carnal Christian. I believed in Christ, but I was more influenced by earthly nature than by the nature of God. I put my thoughts and beliefs above God’s word. I would seek His will, but then I would go my own way. Looking back, it’s no wonder that I was always going in circles and always feeling like I took one foot forward and two steps back. Today, I now understand what it means to be walking in the process of sanctification. The truth is that even after years of attending church, I never heard of the process of sanctification. It wasn’t until I fully submitted to God that I even considered the theory of sanctification, and I certainly did not know there was a name for it. Sanctification is the choice to submit my fleshly desires as a living sacrifice to the Lord. It is a choice to allow the Word of God to renew my mind. For instance, instead of saying, “I know God calls me to forgive, but I there is no way I can forgive someone who did _____”, I say, “I choose to forgive because God calls me to forgive as he has forgiven me.” I then ask the Holy Spirit to give me the power to walk through the process of forgiveness. I now know that if I do not seek the Lord’s guidance on this weight loss journey, I will be putting forth wasted and pointless energy. In reference to the man at the pool of Bethesda (John 5), I also know that I have to get up, pick up my mat and walk. I must stop making excuses about my dependency to food and rise above my natural tendencies to stay stuck in food addiction. Today, before creating my GROW PLAN, I call upon the Lord to renew my mind. Help me stand firm in the Spirit of self-control and lead me not into temptation but deliver me from evil, for thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen. Brainstorming my GROW PLAN… Goals:
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